Have you ever had a time when you experienced a flood of emotion over something and others thought you were over reacting? Maybe they thought your heartbreak was over the top, that the situation didn’t require tears or anger. Maybe they grew tired of hearing about it. Thought you should be over it by now. Called you too sensitive. Said you had gone off the deep end.
It is no one’s place to judge us or say that what is upsetting us doesn’t make sense. Who can say that our heartbreak is too much or our grief is too long lasting. Don’t let them get you to questioning the legitimacy of your emotions. They don’t understand the layers of pain this event brought up for you. They don’t understand it isn’t that your feet are wet, it is there is a flood of emotions and you are drowning. It wasn’t just a dog that died, you lost your best friend who has been there for half of your life. It wasn’t just a harsh criticism from a stranger, it was all those harsh things said to you for the last 40 years. It wasn’t that the television stopped working, it is that the last gift your mother and father gave you is gone.
They don’t understand. Make sure that you do. Get out your journal and write about the loss. Write about the layers of hurt. Write about why it is deep, wide, and crushing. Make an appointment with a therapist and investigate why this has cut you open. Don’t minimize your feelings. Be patient and gentle with yourself. You don’t need to get over it. You need to do the work to get “though it.”
I love this quote from Mark Nepo: How we face and absorb the rearrangement that rises out of loss is a very personal journey that can’t be compared to anyone else’s.